Monday, September 27, 2010

Just Call Her Scott!

It has been way too long since I have posted on my Bug's blog! I had hit a block. I KNOW I have a TON of goofy stories about Bug and her shenanigans, but for some reason I could not think of any. Well, we were on our way to Chicago this past weekend, and we were laughing about all of her "situations". One that came up in conversation was the time she got kicked out of the same bar that Scott from "Keeping up with the Kardashians" was thrown out of, TAO.

Scott apparently got kicked out of the Venetian's high style club for some pretty rude behavior, but Bug got kicked out for someone else's rude behavior.

Being the talkative girls we are, we quickly befriended a group of guys who had reserved a VIP section for a bachelor party. We were invited to share their drinks and socialize. JJ and I were chatting it up when Bug decided she needed to go to the restroom. She left the VIP section and when she returned, the bouncer would not let her back in because she couldn't remember the name of the host. She was attempting to get my attention and explain to the bouncer that she knew me. She was unable to get my attention because of all noise and people. When she gave up, exasperated she turned toward the bar to get a drink, and figured she would attempt to get my attention later. As she turned, the bouncer spanked her on the butt. No joke! He blatantly smacked her on the A** and said something that Bug could not quite make out. She quickly turned around and scolded him, "You Bastard!" She did not hit him across the cheek like I would have, she did not have her posse beat him up, all she did was call him a bastard. Well, apparently his manhood was threatened, because he decided to throw her out.

He was at least nice enough to allow her to grab JJ and I. When Bug explained what happened, I demanded to talk to the guy, because apparently the bouncer who was escorting us the back door was not the spineless "bastard" that Bug offended. I was thrown for a loop on how they could be kicking HER out for something that HE did that was so offensive. The manager for the evening came out to talk to us and explained to us that the grabby bouncer was "threatened" by Bug.

Threatened?!?!?! A 6'1" bouncer was threatened by a 5"6', 110 lbs soaking wet girl who would not hurt a fly. Of course he was threatened, his ego and manhood was threatened! I had never heard anything so ridiculous in my life. I was the one people were usually intimidated by when the three of us went out because I am in the military, have always been pretty broad and in shape, and know some combatives thanks to the Army. JJ and I were told we could stay, but Bug had to leave. Of course we were not going to leave her, so we agreed to leave. We tried to head towards the door, but were quickly detoured to the back door. They didn't trust us to leave out the front door! Probably a good thing, because if Bug had pointed out the chicken bouncer, I may have had to have given him a taste of his own medicine!

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

An Weddings?!??!?

When Bug sits down in a triage room and is asked by the nurse "Do you have any allergies?"
She better respond, "Yes, to weddings."
The side effects Bug suffers from weddings is nothing short of violent: Stomach cramps, diarrhea, and diaphoresis.
Friends always ask when Bug and Ky are getting married. However, I completely understand why she would not want endure her own nuptials when she reacts to others' in this fashion.
She had mentioned in the past that her stomach became upset when she was in a wedding, but until she was a maid of honor in my wedding, I had never witnessed it first hand. The night of the rehersal and dinner she made numerous trips to the bathroom, complaining of cramping. I was terrified that her monthly friend was coming to visit, and if that was the case, she would be no use to any of us because it incapacitates her every month. When she reassured me that it was not the case I felt slightly better, but then I started worrying that she may have something contagious that the entire wedding party may contract, and I did not want to be sick on my wedding day.
The morning of the ceremony she seemed to have gotten over whatever twenty four hour flu she had come down with, or at least so I thought. As soon as we entered the church she once again started to complain of stomach cramping and made more trips to the bathroom which was a bit more of a challenge with a ballgown on. She made one last trip before we went down the isle hoping that would tide her over through the hour long ceremony. About a quarter through the nuptials I noticed Bug was squirming. She was starting to glisten on her forehead and turn a lighter shade of white every five minutes. She was doing a subtle form of the pee-pee dance. I couldn't help but giggle at her attempts to make it through the wedding. She made a few desperate faces at me, almost begging me to hurry things along. As the bagpipes cued our exit as man and wife, Bug seemed slightly relieved, excited that she could finally make her run for the facilities. However, I guess Foster and I were not walking fast enough down the isle because when we got to the end, Bug almost tripped over my train trying to make it to the door, she almost passed Foster and I. She ran up to the door that leads to the hall that held the room that would cure her of her ailments. It was locked. At some point during the wedding a guest had accidentally closed the automatic locking door to the hall, preventing access to the bathrooms. She was desperate, pounding on the door, turning her face back towards the alter of the church praying to God to give her patience and a very strong sphincter muscle. Luckily her prayers were answered within seconds as the priest came with the key to the door.

This was the first time I witnessed her reaction to marriage and weddings. I figured it was a fluke and chalked it up to nerves associated with being the maid of honor. Three months later, however, I witnessed it again. this time at JJ's wedding. Big was late to the rehearsal due to her "stomach issues." We sat down to talk her "problem", and came to the conclusion that she was allergic to weddings. The solution: When it is her time to get married, she needs to elope!

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Water, Inner Tubes, and Beer

My sister has a million and one stories that include her beloved Jeep, numerous tickets, accidents, and thefts. However, one of the best adventures Bug, JJ and I had was due to Whitney (What she calls her Jeep) breaking down and the events that followed.

We were about to kick off our summer with a bang. We had three weekends planned back to back of Wyandot Lake (Now Zoombeezee Bay), Cedar Point, and Put-In-Bay. We woke up bright and early to prepare for a day of fun in the sun and on water slides. We needed a few provisions before arriving at the park. So we loaded up the Jeep, took off the top to enjoy the beautiful sunny day and headed out towards the water park. Our first stop was going to be the liquor store. I had looked up directions for a store that was en route to Wyandot Lake. When we were about 4 miles away from the park, a burning smell started to come from the Jeep and she started acting up. Bug pulled over into the nearest parking lot, and we prayed that the Jeep would not break down. It stalled and after ten minutes of attempting to get it to start, we realized it was a lost cause. Luckily, we broke down right next to an auto repair shop. Bug and I pushed the Jeep while JJ maneuvered it through the parking lot to the mechanic's. They determined her alternator went out in her Jeep, and it would cost over $500 to fix. I started to make phone calls to my parents. My father is a mechanic, and is a genius when it comes to fixing cars. I am sure he has saved Bug and I thousands of dollars worth of repairs since we were sixteen years old.

Dad told us to forget about paying that much for the repair, and to just call a tow truck to pick up the Jeep and bring it to him so he could fix the problem for a fraction of the price. This made for a problem. We still had every intention of enjoying our day in the lazy river and the wave pool, but we were now down a vehicle to get us to our destination. If we paid to get the Jeep fixed at the shop we would have a ride. "No, Erin, call AAA and send the Jeep here. If you need a ride, your mother or I will come and pick you girls up when the park closes and take you home."

Great! Even better, this meant we could all three drink since there was no need for a designated driver. Now we just had to figure out how we were going to make it to Wyandot Lake. I highly doubted the tow truck driver would take a detour and drop us off at the gate.

"Let's call a cab," JJ suggested. So we called the local cab service and they picked us up from the repair shop after the tow truck picked up the Jeep. Although we were already running behind schedule, we still had one very important stop to make on the way to the water park. We had the cab stop off at the liquor store so we could pick up our bottle of Three Olives Cherry and six sugar free Red Bulls. We had our priorities straight that day! We emptied the bottle of vodka into one of our water bottles, and put our red bulls into a small cooler (do not try this now, they have become really strict) and finally entered the park. However, I think we may be the only ones who pulled up to Wyandot Lake in a cab that day.

We found our place on the beach, poured ourselves some drinks, and started enjoying our day. We rode some slides, ate some food, floated in the wave pool, and then found heaven on earth. We decided to take a nice relaxing float through the lazy river. As we rounded one of the corners, it was like the clouds opening to reveal the gates of heaven, it was "Crocktail Island." A nice Tiki bar setting with no kids. We anchored our flotation devices, and decided to see what kind of drink prices they had. In a matter of about an hour, the three of us had drained the Vodka bottle dry and needed some more refreshments. We sauntered up to the bar and asked what kind of beer they carried, "You can get 36 ounces of Miller Lite for ten dollars."

"WOW! That is a pretty good price, approximately $3.33 for a 12 oz. beer," we all figured out.

"That's not the best part," the bartender continued,"you get refills for 3 dollars all day long."

"Jackpot! We will take three."

We had found the holy grail of beer purveyors. They were pretty much giving the stuff away. We definitely got our money's worth, and proceeded to take NUMEROUS pictures of us with our dog bone shaped beer glasses, us and our inner tubes, us and our glasses with our inner tubes, and us falling OUT of our inner tubes holding our dog bone shaped glasses.

We were all well on our way to drunk, happy land when around 7pm I received a phone call, "Erin."

"Yeah dad?"

"Would it be possible for you girls to find a different ride, your mother and I are not going to be able to make it to pick you up."

"I am sure we can find someone. We know enough people in this area," I replied with confidence. We all three started to call our friends. After about a half an hour, the only possible ride we found was Bugg's boyfriend Ky. However, Ky did not own a car, so he had to find a car to borrow to come and pick us up. The park closes at 9pm. We left our fate in Ky's hands and then proceeded to continue our fun. When the sun started to go down, the water rides got a little too cold, so we decided to ride on the dry rides, aka the spinning machines. Wyandot Lake was not known for their dry land rides. There was one dinky, rickety, wooden roller coaster, and a handful of old county fair style rides that spin until they make you puke. We started out in the roller coaster ride. If any of you know me, you know I like to chat, JJ calls me "chatty Cathy". I was talking to a kid in front of me, and was still doing so when we boarded the coaster, or so I thought WE boarded the roller coaster. As the ride started, I hear an, "Erin look over here," from the line. I had aimlessly wandered off onto the roller coaster without my partners in crime. They were still in line waiting for the next car.

So what do our drunk butts decide to do next? We decide to ride the spinning rides and see how many we could go on before getting sick. The funny thing is, it usually only takes one of these rides to make me get sick when I am sober, but apparently I can ride them all day long when I am already spinning while I am off the ride. We were having so much fun on the rides that we lost track of time and apparently the ride attendants did too. We got off the "spinning egg" and saw Ky standing at the gate waving at us. We were surprised but excited because this meant we did not have to take a $50 cab ride home. I looked around the park and realized that is was not just empty, it was deserted. It was 930pm and we had been going on the spinning egg ride WAY past closing time.
Ky gathered us all up, thanked the park attendants for letting him in to find us, and tried to herd us into the car. However, we girls were attracted to a commotion going on in the zoo. We could smell the aroma of food cooking and what looked to be a big party going on. JJ went up to the ticket booth to find out what was going on, "The annual taste of Columbus," the lady told her. Once a year all of the local restaurants and bars hold a tasting. It holds a high ticket price of one hundred dollars a head, and most of the money goes to charity. We figured if we could get Ky to distract the ticket lady we could all sneak in. Well, we were wrong, and we were asked not so politely to leave the premises. Instead of partying at the zoo, we all headed back to our apartment pool and continued our little private party till the wee hours of the night.
Although things did not go quite according to planned thanks to the Jeep breaking down, we had what turned out to be one of our most memorable girls outings ever, and have TONS of pictures to remember the day from.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

The Secret Life of Frosty Fries

Oh poor Ky. He and Bug have been dating for almost four years, and low and behold, Bug's heart belongs somewhere else. They have made many promises to each other over the years, but alas, Bug had to break one of them. And to top it off, her job has helped enabled her secret life and contributes to her deceitfulness. Bug is cheating on Ky with Wendy's frosty fries.

A few months ago Ky and Bug made a pact that they would steer clear of fast food. They have been working out, getting in shape, and wanted to keep a healthy diet. However, the hospital my sister works at has a Wendy's in it. Kate has always had a weakness to the frosty, and she LOVES to dip the fries in, a perfect combination of sweet and salty. Well, her hospital has distributed a special card that the employees place on their badges, and they can have as many kiddie sized frosties they want for FREE! It is like giving a crack addict free access to the best crack in town. She can't help herself, it is out of her control. the frosties call to her, and she answers, sometimes multiple times in a night. For a mere 99 cents she purchases her fries and gets her free frosty and in the privacy of the nurses lounge she dips, eats and enjoys.

I think, actually I KNOW Ky has no idea about Bug's secret life. Will Bug's secret life with frosty-fries be the end of Bug and Ky? They may need to join a support group, or get therapy for couples who have secret lives, but no, I am sure when he finds out about it he will be okay. He may even join in her little indulgence, but Bug feels too embarrassed to admit her weakness to him. To compensate she works out just a little harder, does just a few more sit ups, runs just a little further. It will be forever her dark little secret, that is until I just told everyone!

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

No Such Thing as Santa!??!?!

I don't even know where to begin. My sister Bug is a goofy, modest, beautiful, smart, ditzy, amazing girl. The reason I have decided to dedicate a whole new blog to her is because she always seems to be getting herself into the most amazing predicaments. It baffles me how one girl can be sought after by the cops numerous times, kicked out of a Vegas night club, total 2 jeeps, and still be thriving in this world. This weeks shenanigans finally made me realize that her life could actually entertain.

I know I have peeked your interest, so I will start out with one story that always cracks me up. It is the perfect example of my Bug's sense of humor that can throw people for a loop from time to time.

Foster and I had just started dating, and he had not met my sister in a social environment yet. She was present the day we met, but they had not had a conversation. We decided to all get together and go ice skating since the Christmas festivities were in full swing. OSU has a great open skate for 2 dollars at their hockey rink. Ky and Bug met us at Foster's apartment and from there we would be on our way.

A little back story:

When Bug and I were growing up a dear friend of mine "Buddy" told me there was no such thing as Santa when we were in like 1st grade. Buddy had helped her mom wrap "Santa's" presents for her little brother, and of course had to tell her best friend about it. Now, I do not hold this against Buddy. She is a lot like myself, and cannot keep a secret to save her life. My little sister who was maybe 4 years old over heard this conversation. But, this blond haired, blue eyed little angel was smarter than the average bear. She figured that if mom and dad knew that she did not believe in Santa, then we would no longer get presents from Santa. So, she went years without letting mom and dad know. She had my parents convinced that she still believed in Santa until she was about 15 years old.

So back at Foster's apartment, Bug noticed immediately that Foster did not have a Christmas tree in his apartment. He has never been big into Christmas decorations, add to the fact that he has been a bachelor for years, he did not own one Christmas decoration. "How is Santa ever going to leave you any presents?" Bug asked Foster while waiting for me to get ready.

"Bug, there is no such thing as Santa, why would I need a tree?" Foster replied.

"What? There is no such thing as Santa?" Bug asked with a look of shock and horror and a few tears welling up in her eyes. She looked at me and Ky and asked, "What does he mean there is no such thing as Santa?" then back at Foster, "Why would you say that?"

I was having the hardest time keeping a straight face, but Foster didn't know whether or not to take this 21 year old girl seriously. He looked at me to see my reaction, "I can't believe you would do that Foster," I said, "We have not broken the news to her yet," I was trying so hard not to laugh.

Foster must have thought she was mentally handicapped, VERY naive, or just stupid until we all started busting up laughing because we could not keep up the charade a moment longer. I must give Bug some props on her acting skills. Her sweet, young face makes her look so innocent in instances like these.

This is just a taste of one of the MANY stories I have about my Bug. I hope you all enjoy them, and hope you all follow this blog too!

Welcome to My Bug's Life!