When Bug sits down in a triage room and is asked by the nurse "Do you have any allergies?"
She better respond, "Yes, to weddings."
The side effects Bug suffers from weddings is nothing short of violent: Stomach cramps, diarrhea, and diaphoresis.
Friends always ask when Bug and Ky are getting married. However, I completely understand why she would not want endure her own nuptials when she reacts to others' in this fashion.
She had mentioned in the past that her stomach became upset when she was in a wedding, but until she was a maid of honor in my wedding, I had never witnessed it first hand. The night of the rehersal and dinner she made numerous trips to the bathroom, complaining of cramping. I was terrified that her monthly friend was coming to visit, and if that was the case, she would be no use to any of us because it incapacitates her every month. When she reassured me that it was not the case I felt slightly better, but then I started worrying that she may have something contagious that the entire wedding party may contract, and I did not want to be sick on my wedding day.
The morning of the ceremony she seemed to have gotten over whatever twenty four hour flu she had come down with, or at least so I thought. As soon as we entered the church she once again started to complain of stomach cramping and made more trips to the bathroom which was a bit more of a challenge with a ballgown on. She made one last trip before we went down the isle hoping that would tide her over through the hour long ceremony. About a quarter through the nuptials I noticed Bug was squirming. She was starting to glisten on her forehead and turn a lighter shade of white every five minutes. She was doing a subtle form of the pee-pee dance. I couldn't help but giggle at her attempts to make it through the wedding. She made a few desperate faces at me, almost begging me to hurry things along. As the bagpipes cued our exit as man and wife, Bug seemed slightly relieved, excited that she could finally make her run for the facilities. However, I guess Foster and I were not walking fast enough down the isle because when we got to the end, Bug almost tripped over my train trying to make it to the door, she almost passed Foster and I. She ran up to the door that leads to the hall that held the room that would cure her of her ailments. It was locked. At some point during the wedding a guest had accidentally closed the automatic locking door to the hall, preventing access to the bathrooms. She was desperate, pounding on the door, turning her face back towards the alter of the church praying to God to give her patience and a very strong sphincter muscle. Luckily her prayers were answered within seconds as the priest came with the key to the door.
This was the first time I witnessed her reaction to marriage and weddings. I figured it was a fluke and chalked it up to nerves associated with being the maid of honor. Three months later, however, I witnessed it again. this time at JJ's wedding. Big was late to the rehearsal due to her "stomach issues." We sat down to talk her "problem", and came to the conclusion that she was allergic to weddings. The solution: When it is her time to get married, she needs to elope!
